Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Abbott breaks down: I am an ALP insurgent

Tony Abbott has finally given the clearest and most concise explanation for his behaviours over the years – he is actually an ALP man!

Abbott broke down after a rare happening in Australian media today, that being intelligent and balanced questioning, when he was asked simply “are you for real?”

“No one has ever known I was the greatest double agent since Rene Artois in “'Allo 'Allo! I have told no-one until now. I was Howard’s head-kicker for years and Peta worked closely with me but I hid my double life completely.”

He admitted he came close to breaking down once before. “During Julia Gillard’s misogyny speech in October 2012, I was so close to breaking cover. The torn look on my face was due to being the SNAG that I really am; I was so hurt by being called a misogynist. I managed to keep it together because I knew I had so much more sabotage of the coalition to do.”

Former Prime Minister John Howard’s remaining fringe of hair went even whiter on hearing the news.

ALP leader (sic) Bill Shorten as usual tried to be invisible but was in the end forced to actually say something for once. Media on hand heard something mumbled to the effect of “does this mean we now have a government of national unity?”

A Greens spokesperson who refused to be named publicly said they were looking at legal action over Abbott’s remarks. “There is the possibility Abbott has done so much damage to the coalition he could really be a Green but hasn’t been able to admit it.”

Attempts to reach Palmer United Party via their mobile number received “the number you have called has been disconnected...it’s not worth trying again later.”

Further reaction as it comes to hand.

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